October 21, 1999

Dear Bethany,

My question is this... Am I the only one who needs
maintenance spankings? Does anyone out there
need/get/want this kind of attention from your
s.o./disciplinarian? Do you even know what I mean by
maintenance spankings?

Well, for me, that means some time over my hubby's knee,
just because. Now I don't know if it's just because
we're getting started on the D.D., or because I'm such a
spank-o-holic, or if I'm just plain stubborn, but I seem
to NEED some of that special brand of attention at least
twice a week. If I don't get it, I start feeling very
neglected and that leads to a lot of mouthy, witchy
behavior on my part. So, am I crazy, folks?

I can't help but wonder
why we brats just push and push and push at those
limits, even if it means we're going to have to "pay the
piper", so to speak. Is it perhaps because we crave
that kind of attention? And if so, could this need be
better dealt with thru regularly scheduled maintenance?
I'm thinking that this, in addition to discipline when
it's needed, might be a better alternative to choosing
to act out just to get what we want (deep down).

Okay, so am I making sense here? What I see as
maintenance would be a spanking you get, no matter what,
just because it's Wednesday (or whatever). It wouldn't
be as severe as punishment (maybe with a specific
implement or something), but wouldn't be erotic either.
It would be just enough to remind the spankee that she
is loved and safe, but would also be very loving and
could certainly include sex as part of the overall
package. Let me know what you think, Bethany.

Kristin

Bethany's response:

Hi Kristin-

This sort of spanking is definitely a personal "choice" of the couple. Some couples practicing DD fall into this very spontaneously, though it does seem to vary between the purely "maintenance," and the "confessional," as in "I know she's done something.... I just don't know what... but I know a real good way to find out."

But whether these are purely for reassurance or are more "confessional" on some level, both partners do want and need spanking - and this is a good reason to do it. This ties into the next idea, that of acting out. Having this sort of thing scheduled and "planned" eliminates some of the bratty behavior that some of us fall into, perhaps often out of character, because we want/need a spanking and feel we can't just ask for it. So, as far as acting out - I can see a definite benefit. I consider myself pretty well behaved (I hear Jim snorting now), rarely succumbing to the brat temptation. However, there have been a few lapses, and I suspect that even those lapses were at least in part due to the fact that I had felt neglected in the previous days or weeks. But since I'm not willing to brat on purpose to get attention, sometimes things just accelerate until I am acting out in a more serious way and then we have a "real" problem.

HOWEVER, I have known of at least a few women who have had this suggested to them who have responded very negatively. Spanking for "no" reason is NOT part of their paradigm; they want and need it when it is "deserved," but feel that "just because" is not a sufficient reason. It feels just too mean. And some spankers are equally puzzled, particularly men who are going along with spanking in general mostly to please their partners. They've gotten to the point where they have no problem spanking when that too-large credit card statement shows up, but really don't understand why someone would WANT to have her bottom smacked bright red... for no obvious reason.

I have NO problem with this myself. You say it so well... "It would be just enough to remind the spankee that she is loved and safe." I might say it should be enough to remind the spankee that she is loved and safe... and then just a little bit more -- but then maybe that's just me.

As with many issues, each couple needs to work out for themselves how best to incorporate this into their lives.

Bethany

This from Michael:

As for MAINTENANCE spankings..I am a true believer in them
myself... as a show of the proverbial "I will show you who is the
boss" type thing and to show the spankee I do care and I WILL
spank her if she disobeys or to correct her behaviour in the future.

I think all in the D.D. scene would benefit from these spankings
as a clear reminder that I do care about her and her well being
and willing to spend time with her and love her dearly even
when I have to spank her. It shows I know her well enough to take
care of her and her needs for guidance and direction and know when
she really needs my attention.. makes you and the spankee very close
and like a team or as one with this. This show of "just because" spankings
shows her you care and she means alot to you and is very precious to you
and worth the attention you are giving to her.. a show of affection is what
"just because" spankings are, just like bringing home flowers or candy
for no real reason or sorts, to show her she is not neglected at all!

Sex does NOT have to come into play with these spankings but sometimes
does... as the overflow of emotion that this man really does care for me
and I feel I should return the affection in some way to him... or the other
ultimate way you as woman can return that show of affection and you
appreciate him too!! Nothing wrong with that at all. Just think these spankings
should be done and not have to be done on a schedule unless the real life
styles.. work and such interfere.. I feel these should be best done sporadic
and whenever the chance is available... and feel the woman should in time
when she feels comfortable to even initiate these too when she has the need
for it. All about communicating and that is that is what makes a relationship
work if we can't tell the other what we want or need.. both parties can be
miserable. So speak up ladies...tell your man what you want and need
and men have the common sense to be open minded to understand your
lady and try to the best of your ability to full fill each others needs and
you both will live a long productive life together... !!!

From Josh

I couldn't resist this one, because whatever you call them, "maintenance spankings" can be very important. I'm reminded of a woman on the net who said that her husband told her before she married him that IF she decided to marry him, she could expect him to spank her any time he wanted to, whether she had done anything to deserve it or not. She didn't really know what to say, but loved him so much that she married him anyway.

After she married him, he insisted on three things every week, no matter what. That they attend church together every Sunday, take a long walk together after Sunday dinner (for you "geographically challenged" members we call the mid-day meal dinner and the evening meal supper down here in the South), and that she get a hard spanking every Saturday, whether she had misbehaved during the week or not.

In addition he spanked her for anything that he considered to be unacceptable conduct immediately, or as soon as possible after the offence. Also, he spanked her anytime the mood struck him "just because".

She absolutely loved every aspect of all that spanking. As you said, it made her feel loved, protected, secure, etc.

For a time, my wife and I had what we called "Confession spankings". Every Sunday evening she went across my lap, bare bottomed and I would ask if she had anything that she needed to own up to. Sometimes she did and the paddle came out and it was dealt with. Sometimes she didn't have anything to confess to and she would get a nice erotic spanking as a reward for good behavior. A "Good Girl Spanking", if you will<G>

This worked out very well for us, even though sometimes they would have to be postponed until Monday evening because of such inconveneinces as drop in company. If we knew in advance that Sunday was going to be busy, we took care of it on Saturday.

We had to suspend them because of health problems, but intend to start back as soon as possible.

To answer one of your questions that I snipped out. "Regular Maintanence spankings" by whatever name DO work very well for some couples. You certainly should give them a try and see how they work for you.

Josh