Woodshed Spanking Blog: August 2006

Comment Counter Problems

We are still working on the comment counter, and also having some delays in getting comments published. If the counter says "0 comments," that may not be correct, so be sure to check the comments anyway.

Problem for Men Getting Started in DD

Joannie wrote:
“So many of our S/O's come to this DD lifestyle at the request of their s/o, and for some men it is a difficult lifestyle to embrace since it goes against what a good many of them have been raised to believe is acceptable. What is the single-most important factor you would share with these men to make it easier for them to adapt?”

I received this as a comment to my last post, and I’ve been thinking about it for a good while. The more I consider it, the more I realize that the response should be a long one, a lot longer than can be addressed here, so I’ll give a short answer and work on a longer one to put in the advice area of Bethany’s.

You know, after you are involved in a real DD relationship for a while, you really don’t think about it much, or think about the struggles that almost all couples have who are new to this way of life—the very same struggles you had in the beginning.

The first part of the equation is deciding what DD is. For Bethany and me, it is a conscious choice—made by the both of us—that I am the Head of Household, and that my making final decisions has very great advantages for the both of us. It is a mindset—it is not female bondage, enforced by a paddle. In an odd way, rather than being a type of bondage, it is really a type of liberation.

I think that for men—especially those who came of age in the feminist era, the toughest part of DD is accepting the notion that having a clear leader in the household is a good idea, and that while DD can be practiced without spanking, if necessary, spanking is still a perfectly acceptable method of reinforcing that paradigm.

As time has passed, it’s become more and more clear to Bethany and me that the domestic model of the past six thousand years, where there is a clear Head of Household, has stood the test of time for a reason, and that the model touted by many for the past thirty years has some very serious drawbacks. My previous marriage was the ideal example; I simply had no tools to deal with my ex-wife’s “f__k-you” attitude. No way to force her to get up off her lazy butt and be a wife and mother—none, that is, until I divorced her, and then the courts assumed the rights that I, as her husband, should have had—the rights to require her to do those duties, and serious consequences if she did not. It required the breakup of a family to accomplish that which a different mindset and a few swats of a paddle could have done.

So to answer your question, I think the hardest—and most important—part of DD is overcoming societal programming and learning to think for yourself. It is coming to the realization that a DD lifestyle has some serious advantages, and that a clear understanding or each partner’s role (and, if necessary, an occasional swat on the bottom) are a small price to pay for a strong, successful marriage.

A few announcements from Bethany

Hello to all our friends - and hopefully a few new readers who have been brought in by the idea that Jim and I are gong to post a lot more of our personal "journey" on this blog.

This has been a very busy couple of weeks for me. Between August 1st and today, I have left home five separate times, each to a different location. I have not been home more than three nights straight since August 2nd... Some of the trips were personal (two trips to visit two different kids) two were professional (one to the large adult Internet conference in Florida and a second to a potential new movie client) and this last was a very important one as JIm and I traveled to a new community, making a final commitment to move there to take a new a job. Very scary!

In this time, Jim was out of town for a week to a medical conference - I feel like I've hardly seen him since August 1. Of course, he's seen ME enough to give me the spanking described in my previous blog post, but still...

Anyway, I wanted to update folks on something I've been meaning to do for a long time, and that's re-activating our advice column. I know people love this - we can see from our traffic stats that in spite of the fact it has not been updated in a very LONG TIME, it's one of the most "hit" page in our entire free area.

We have a few questions that people have sent over the last few months. It will be our goal to do a "Bethany says, Jim says," response to these questions. If anyone reading this HAS a question, please send it to me at:

herwdshed@mac.com

and put "Advice Column Question" in the subject line! We can't promise we're the authorities - (What a scary thought! Authority on Domestic Discipline!) but we'll try our best.

Also, I'd like to just make a really important comment about, well, the comments. Right now, basically, our blog commenting section is NOT working correctly. You can leave comments, and read comments, but very often, the fact that there are comments POSTED is not showing up properly. For example, associated with Jim's last post, there are several comments, but the blog itself still says "O comments." We don't know why and we are working to fix this. But in the meantime, check out the comment link - because there are comments there - and feel free to leave one yourself.

Bethany

Hello from Jim

Well, it’s been quite a summer. During the spring, my job at the University got busier and busier as the duties piled up, and the family desperately looked forward to a summer of fun. We put up a dry-erase board in the family room after Spencer got home from boarding school and listed the things we wanted to accomplish this summer. Now the summer is nearly gone and most of those things done, but with the sense of accomplishment comes a profound sadness –another summer gone, another year down the road to when the children are gone. As I watch the weeds in the pastures begin to yellow at summer’s end, I think with a certain amount of melancholy about the cycle of life, of which we are only a small part.

But with the passage of another year comes another year with my lovely Bethany. Today’s our anniversary, and I reflect on how profoundly she’s changed my life, and from all signs, I hers. The moment we met, I knew she was the real article—a spanko I believe is the term—a young lady with boundless energy and creativity, but terribly unfocused. I remember thinking to myself, “God, child, you’re just like a Ferrari with no driver—such potential, wasting away.” And then, smiling to myself, “However, I have just the tools, young lady, to put you right on track.”

Well, now I’m doing exactly that. It seems like a perfect job, doesn’t it? Head of Household, Final Decision Maker. I must admit it has its finer moments. There’s nothing to equal a peaceful, orderly household—one where important decisions are considered carefully and then, once they’re made, there is no more discussion. I enjoy the leadership role and Bethany likes the freedom to work and be creative, within an atmosphere of absolute security.

Sometimes, however, it becomes necessary to remind Miss Bethany that such safety and security come at a price—not money, but something much more powerful than that. It comes with the knowledge that the fundamental underpinning of this whole way of life is, quite simply: Actions Have Consequences. Our life has run so smoothly (mostly due to her good nature, I have to admit) that, while I’ve been known to leave a few stripes on her bottom for fun, real punishment has been rare. Unfortunately, the consequences of my laxity are just as you would predict—Bethany had begun to slip into some of her old habits. So, when I asked her to change the blog to a different format, she said, “Sure”—then promptly went on to other things. After several warnings, it was clear that I two choices: continue to nag, or make my meaning clear by another method.

So, as they say, the rest is history. I'm always impressed by how quickly the hairbrush focuses Bethany's mind on the task at hand. Yes, we’ve had a few hiccups, as our employees have mistakenly posted ads again, but I think we’re on track now. The blog had become just another ad vehicle, and that’s not what blogs are for. That has stopped.

As the Internet has become fiercely competitive, we have maintained a tremendously loyal following, I believe because we are the real article—a couple that lives DD every day and makes it work to give us a satisfying marriage. We want our blog to reflect that, and to help us connect with our customers—no, not customers—friends—who have made Bethany’s and our many other Websites so wildly successful. We anticipate upgrading the advice section in Bethany’s and are looking for questions to address as we go forward. We are redesigning all our sites to be easier to use and less confusing. There will be a whole new level of accessibility to Bethany and me. We anticipate many, many benefits to our friends.

And, speaking of benefits—for some strange reason, I’ve lately noticed a whole new level of attention in Bethany’s eyes when I speak to her. Just coincidence, I suppose.

Road to Hell

Everyone knows what the road to hell is paved with. Good intentions, right?

Well, in my case my good intentions did not pave a road to hell… but a road right to the back of a sofa, with me bent over it having my butt spanked.

Let me explain.

I’ve been running Bethany’s Woodshed – and a lot of other spanking sites – for a very long while now. Eight years to be exact. Initially, I did post more from my personal life – my own personal experiences being in a domestic discipline relationship, etc. Then, over the years, I moved away from this. Why? Well, a couple of reasons. First, as my relationship with Jim evolved, we found that our DD relationship was changing as well. Our interests would ebb and flow, we would question this and that, and frankly, there were times when I didn’t’ feel like any sort of “authority” at all – who was I to advise anyone else, when I couldn’t even figure out for myself what I wanted or how this was supposed to work. Second, I was so busy running commercial websites as a full time job and then some, I rarely felt I had time to stop and do personal writing. Third, I questioned whether anyone would be really interested in what I had to say about my personal life.

Recently, I’ve made some major changes in how stories are posted in Bethany’s. (We know update most stories every week until they are done.) A number of people wrote to me after I announced this change. In some of the letters, long-time members would reflect on changes in Bethany’s over the years, and over and over I heard the following: tell us more about you and Jim. “Bethany,” one member wrote, “I’ve been with you since you had your OneList. [This was a group similar to Yahoo Groups, which we had back in 1999-2000] I’ve stayed with you all these years because you are one woman who really gets what all this is about from a woman’s perspective. Please start posting more personal stuff again.”

Jim and I talked about this and we decided a couple of weeks ago to change the direction of the blog. We’ve been using it almost completely for promotional purposes – to let people know what’s new on our sites. But we have newsletters for that… a blog really should be what the word means, “web-log,” a sort of online journal. We decided to both make the commitment to making this blog much more personal again.

So, on to the good intentions… Almost three weeks ago, we announced this change… and I had lots of plans. I was going to start by making a long historical post about how I met Jim, and the onset of our DD relationship, and on and on and on… And as usual, I bit off more than I could chew – I started it – got four pages into it, and basically hadn’t got us past the first month of our relationship. Then I stopped and went on to other things. We had a spanklet to post – and updates to Bethany’s and Romance and the Spank Story Archive. I have kids home from school in the summertime, and a house we’re getting ready to put on the market. With one thing and another, days – then weeks slipped by. No promised update to the “new” Jim and Bethany Domestic Discipline blog.

I visited one of my children over the weekend, my daughter Robbie, who was moving into a new apartment for graduate school. Last night as I drove home, the phone rang. Jim got right to the point. “Why haven’t you posted anything new to the blog? I just looked at it. We said we were going to change the direction three weeks ago.”

OK, Jim and I have been together six years now. You’d think I’d have learned a few things in that time – but unfortunately, there are moments – like that one – when I am most definitely NOT the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. A wise woman would have admitted her mistake and gone on. Or at least “pretended” to not have “realized” just how long it had been. I didn’t take either of these paths. Oh no. I argued with him. “It hasn’t been three weeks,” I asserted. “It’s only been two weeks and umm… four days.”

“We’ll talk about this when you get home.” That’s all he said. That’s all he needed to say. And there’s one thing I have learned. When he uses that tone – and he’s right and I know it – there’s nothing to be gained by arguing any more.

The helpless feeling begins – mostly because I was in a situation where there was NOTHING I could do to fix this. I’m in the car and I’m driving. As good as I am with computers, there’s no way I can quickly post something before I get home… So home I went, to face the wrath of Jim..

We have an island in our kitchen. Often when I come home from a long trip, there’s a hot meal and a glass of wine waiting for me when he knows I’m about ready to pull in… and that’s quite a feat, because Jim really does NO T like to cook. (Though he can pour wine with the best of them.) But tonight – nothing on it except our hairbrush. I hate the hairbrush. He knows this.

“Come on, Jim. I promise I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“I’m sure you’ll do it tomorrow. Come on…” He grabbed me by the arm.

“Wait.” Think of something. Quick. “My butt is already numb. I’ve been sitting in the car so long.”

“Well, that’s lucky then. It won’t hurt as much.”

By now, of course, (our house not being that large) we’re in the family room, a spacious room in which we’ve created artificial “areas” by having the sofa jut out into the room. The back of said sofa is just the right height for – you guessed it – spanking. And when he bends me over something, in stead of putting me OTK, I know it’s not going to be fun or pleasant or pretty for me for a while.

“Now, you and I are going to have a little talk.” He yanks my pants down – a really bad sign, because if we’re even semi “playing” he’ll make me do it. Not tonight. Just get at the butt in question (mine) as quickly as possible. His hand in the middle of my back, the cool wood of the brush on my skin. Every time I’m in this position for real, I wonder WHY IN GOD’S NAME did I ever think this was in good idea. No answer is forthcoming.

“Didn’t we say three weeks ago that we were going to change the direction of the blog and start posting DD material regularly?”

SMACK

No warm up, nothing. Just that unbelievably “traditional” (that’s a synonym for horrible, by the way) hairbrush cracking against my skin, which was NOT as numb as I had thought, by the way.

I howled, and in that instant, gained at least a bit of wisdom – I would refrain from pointing out again that it had only been two weeks and four days.

“Yes.”

“And why hasn’t it been done?”

SMACK

I’ve never understood why he asks a question and then smacks me. Does he want an answer or not? A few times when we were first together, I had the temerity to point out this inconsistency to him. No more. Low percentage game.

As soon as I can catch my breath: “I don’t know. No excuses. I just kept putting it off. I just didn’t know… how to start.”

As soon as I said THAT, I regretted it because I knew what his answer would be – and he did not disappoint. “So consider this my contribution to the blog THIS is how you’re going to start.”

Since I have learned through the years NOT to argue, and to apologize as quickly as possible, most of our real spankings are exactly that: spankings. There’s not a lot to discuss – because the issues are pretty well resolved. There’s just Jim deciding that even though I am WELL aware of the error of my ways, he’s going to spank awhile so it “sinks” in. Plus, of course, he loves to turn my butt red even when he’s pissed at me.

So spank he did. I don’ t know how many I got - probably not all that many – because he’s well aware the hairbrush is nothing to fool around with. But it was enough… A lot of women say that they can’t cry when they’re spanked – or do so only rarely. Not me. I’m boo-hooing before ten whacks – and sobbing by twenty. He probably stopped after about twenty five moderately hard cracks, which is quite a spanking with a wooden hairbrush. My ass was on fire.

He stood me up and looked me right in the eye. “So, first thing in the morning you’re going to write about this. Exactly this. About how you came home, and got turned over the sofa, and got your ass busted. And why.”

So there you have it folks, Bethany’s first entry as our woodshed blog takes a more personal approach… There’s going to be a lot more to follow – Jim and I are both going to post here – and I will get that long “history of how me met,” post done eventually…

Bethany

PS, When I came down from the shower, there was a glass of wine on the kitchen island. And he’d thrown a steak on the grill. I guess I’ll keep him.

Wife Left at the Barbecue

Newcomers! D/D! All in this brand-new spanking download movie!

You'd think the a young wife who is already in a domestic discipline relationship would KNOW what happens when she ignores a perfectly reasonable request from her loving husband. You'd think it, but no. THIS young lady is NOT the brightest bulb on the tree.

Angelique and Celt, hot newcomers and a real life couple, star together in this great domestic discipline spanklet, joined by Renee Evans. Angelique has been warned sternly by her husband that they can go to the party, but because of early plans the next morning, they have to leave early in the evening. Angelique agrees, but once surrounded by her gossiping girlfriends, she loses track of time and her responsibilities. Before she knows it, she's "Left at the BBQ."

Catching a ride home with Renee, she soon finds that the presence of her girlfriend does not dissuade Celt from giving not one, but two hard bare-bottom spankings, first to the shocked Renee, and then to his own dear wife. Order Here.

Fresh Off The Woodshed

We just moved several books off of Bethany's Woodshed Member's Area. They can be downloaded a la carte now on Best of Bethany's Woodshed. If you like these, remember that the best value is to join Bethany's.