I am finally getting around to writing this
for Bethany. It has been more than a month since she first asked me to
write something for her new website. A few weeks later her request became
stronger and finally, last week, she asked to talk to Jeremy, my husband,
to see if he would "help" her out by "encouraging"
me in his own special way to stop my procrastinating and write.
It was this last form of persuasion that did the trick. Let me now share
with you some of my thoughts and experiences on our favorite subject.
I've written for other publications, stories, fantasies, et cetera, but
I know that Bethany wanted this piece to deal with real couples and real
women dealing with how this effects their lives. One of the questions
that I am often asked is how I finally opened up and told my husband this
deep dark secret.
Spanking has held a front seat in my thoughts and fantasies for as long
a I can remember. I can recall conversations, movies, and childhood fantasies
of stern father figures and guardians as far back as the age of three.
I was spanked only once as a child and that was after I had realized my
interest in it. That knowledge made that spanking far worse than I could
have imagined. A squirt gun, a newly-tiled ceiling, and an angry and upset
father brought spanking from my thoughts to my bottom one night when I
Throughout my teen and college years, I longed to find that dominant man
who could keep me in line with a firm hand yet be a gentle and sensitive
friend. I never found that combination. I gave up, finished college and
began my career. Moving to a new area I pushed spanking to the back of
my mind and fell in love with a wonderful man.
We shared every thought and dream but I could never bring myself to say
the "S" word for fear of his judgment and misunderstanding.
For ten years, Jeremy never knew about my interest in spanking, though
at times I tried to push him to see if I could provoke him enough to even
give me a swat now and then. No such luck! So I lived with my private
fantasies and lots of historical romance novels for my "spanking
On several occasions I shared excerpts from a romance novel with the idea
that we would discuss and laugh at the romance/sex scenes. I knew that
many romance scenes began with a spanking that would lead to a torrid
bedroom scene. (Remember, this was ten years ago when spanking scenes
were allowed in novels.)
Jeremy began to sense my hidden interest and one night, as he read VARIATIONS
he found an ad for a spanking newsletter. He jokingly pointed it out to
me. My reaction was to blush and stammer, then later to rip the ad out
of his magazine. I secretly wrote and anxiously checked the mail. I did
not want Jeremy to see anything from this newsletter. A letter and catalog
finally arrived and it was like Christmas for me. I ordered stories and
back issues of the newsletter. I began corresponding with the editor.
I was thrilled to know that there were others out there with this same
interest. I wasn't alone... and I wasn't crazy.
Yet, I still kept it a secret until I was so obsessed with my new-found
knowledge I had to tell Jeremy. Finally, I took a few of the stories and
articles that seemed to best match my spanking interest and gave them
to Jeremy to read. We spent several evenings talking about spanking. At
first, found myself weighing my words, still afraid of his judgment. Yet
Jeremy listened, asked terrific questions, and accepted me for who I was.
I asked Jeremy if he ever thought he could spank me. He seemed to understand
immediately that some women liked to be spanked as foreplay, and I had
to explain quickly that that was not my interest... that for me it was
going to have to be more real, less than a game. A real spanking. At that
point, he was not sure. His reasoning was that he had been raised to "never
strike a lady." I told him I agreed with that, but that spanking
was different. In my mind, a spanking was to teach a lesson, a lesson
that would not be easily forgotten, and if that lesson was needed by an
adult who was acting like a child, so be it. I wanted a spanking for a
reason, for discipline, not as foreplay, and Jeremy was not sure he could
This sort of "hung" between us for a while, but a few weeks
later, he changed his mind. I was standing at the kitchen sink watching
our children through the window. I heard Jeremy come upstairs from the
basement. He stood behind me for a brief moment, then spoke. "Well,
you'll finally get your wish tonight." At first, it did not even
register what he meant. Then, as I figured out he must be talking about
a spanking, he made one more, terse statement. "You left the basement
door unlocked again, Marie." My heart sank! We had been away and
anyone could have gotten into the house. I had done this once before and
I knew how angry it had made him then. It really was careless on my part!
He walked away, leaving me dumbfounded. At first, I thought: this is NOT
how I want a spanking to be, not how I had played it over and over again
in my mind. At that moment, my heart began to race. Yet, this WAS how
it was to be. I'd finally given up control, I had done something really
wrong, I deserved to be punished, I was going to be punished, and I was
scared! Would he really do it? Would it really hurt? What would he use?
Would I cry?
I thought about it for the rest of the day, but by the evening, I was
so involved with supper, children's baths, and getting them to bed, that
the spanking was momentarily forgotten. Finally, though, sitting down
after the last child was in bed, I was shocked to hear his next words
as he looked up from the magazine he was reading. "Should we do it
now or later, young lady?" I stammered and stuttered and muttered
that we should do it now.
Taking me by the hand, he led me downstairs to the family room where a
straight-backed chair had been placed in the center of the room. A ping
pong paddle rested on the seat. He picked up the paddle, sat down, and
with a tug pulled me across his lap.
Nothing was said. Jeremy had not developed his lecture techniques. My
hands rested on the floor in front of me, my toes just reached the floor
in back. I was surprised at the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment
I felt. That grew in leaps and bounds as I felt my shorts being yanked
down to my knees. Then the spanking began and all thoughts left my mind.
It was time to feel. I felt the hardwood of that ping pong paddle light
a fire from the center of my bottom to the top of my thighs. It wasn't
a long spanking, but it was my first, and it left quite an impression.
I didn't cry, but I had a new and different form of respect for my husband.
When it was over and he set me on my feet, he stood and gathered me in
his arms. I laughed as I pulled away from his tight embrace. It was obvious
that he had enjoyed giving me the spanking. Later that night, after an
exceptionally wonderful romp in bed, we talked about the spanking. Jeremy
had to admit that the feelings of power and control were exciting to him.
It has been five years since that first spanking and they keep getting
better all the time.
Bethany's comments: Marie's story illustrates some significant tendencies
that I have noted in the past several years. The first is Jeremy's acceptance
of, (which eventually led to a real interest in) this activity. A common
question asked by many women, I believe, is: How can I get my husband interested?
I mean, isn't someone either "into" spanking or not into it?
I think the answer is both yes and no. This debate, of course, is a distillation
of the "nature-nurture" questions about intelligence that kick
about in the press every so often. Some people, men and women, are "into"
spanking as an erotic tendency. Marie and I have both been interested in
spanking for literally as long as we can remember, and all of my earliest
sexual fantasies revolved around this interest. The high, bare bottom, the
over the knee position, the fear, simply the act of being lovingly corrected...
all these are powerful erotic images for me, and I haven't a clue why. I
have corresponded with men who say the same things.
I have personally come to think of these men who are fundamentally interested
in spanking as a primary sexual fantasy, generally from childhood on, as
the men who are truly "into" spanking. I also believe that this
is almost always going to be something that someone is either born with
or dates from such an early point in childhood that it is almost impossible
to determine its origin.
But, for some men spanking is not an "erotic" image. They did
not fantasize about bare red bottoms as adolescents. Another close male
"spanking" friend has told me that as a college student, he would
skip over the occasional spanking letters in Penthouse's Forum as uninteresting.
He has never looked at a woman on the street and thought, "Wow. Great
ass. I sure would like to spank her."
Yet, for both my friend and Jeremy, disciplinary spanking has definitely
become an acquired taste. Why? For them it is a combination of control,
power if you will, and the "pleasure" of giving their women something
we need and want. I've seen Jeremy in action, and that man is a disciplinarian
extrordinaire; I've felt my friend in action and that man can give a spanking
that leaves no doubt that a correction was truly administered. In a way,
these two may be better disciplinarians than some men who are into spanking
in an erotic way, because their slight detachment from that part of it allows
them to focus on their partners more effectively; they do not have their
own agenda to fulfill.
Yet, also note Jeremy's "reaction" to the spanking. Jeremy does
not spank Marie because he likes to spank her. He spanks her because she
needs it. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy it when he's doing
it! A man who is not "into" spanking can still get turned on by
doing it, another confusing, almost contradictory aspect of this. Again,
my friend says the same thing. I asked him if gets turned on by spanking.
His response was a somewhat casual shrug accompanied by the matter-of-fact
admission that pulling down a woman's panties turns him on... it doesn't
really matter to him why he's pulling them down.
Another thing that is illustrated by Marie's story is Jeremy's almost immediate
ability to accept spanking as erotic foreplay. Most open minded men who
are not "into" spanking will still have little problem with the
idea of giving their wives a few swats as foreplay. It was only when Marie
had to explain further... that she wanted real discipline... that he hesitated
and had to consider how he felt about this.
So what conclusions can be drawn? First, in general, fundamental erotic
interest in spanking is almost always going to come from childhood (or earlier).
This is not something that in general can be "created." Second,
however, partners can (and do) become very comfortable with the discipline/power
facet of this interest; for some women this may not only be enough... this
may be better than enough.
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