Chapter One
“Are you man or woman?”
I stared at the lady in green silks, watching the drizzling rain stain her dress with dark splotches. If she had asked me any other question, if she had demanded to know why I had a fist full of her jewels, if she had raged at this dirty thief in her carriage, if she had screamed for her protectors, then I would have made my getaway.
But she looked me up and down, puzzled. “You’re a woman, aren’t you? Or a girl? How old are you?”
So I froze, stunned, stuck in place holding the evidence of my crime. I managed to open my fist. The jewels spilled from my fingertips and long chains of gold slid through my fingers like silken threads onto the floor of the carriage.
“Turn your head,” she demanded.
I turned my head not because she ordered it, but because there was a sound from behind me, an uneven approach as if from someone old and feeble. As I started to climb out of the carriage, a shadow of the unseen form cast over me and around me, filling my exit with darkness.
A big bear of a man with sandy blond hair and a scraggly beard growled something, raised his heavy cane, and thudded it into my butt with such fierceness that I screamed aloud. No longer stuck, my feet scrambled for escape. I managed to withdraw from the carriage, only to be caught by the big man’s hand.
No matter his foot was maimed and his other hand gnarled from injury, his good hand held me as firmly by my shirt collar as if I’d been only a small kitten whose struggles caused no effort to quell.
His stump of a hand curled around his cane and struck me yet again. I squealed.
“I’ll see you’re locked up, you thieving lad!” he boomed.
“It’s a girl,’ the lady said. She walked around the carriage and stood in front of me, squinting her eyes as if to try to see me from a distance.
A tall, lanky, and well-dressed man joined her, blond-haired, blue-eyed, and as finely dressed as any lord I’d ever seen--not that I'd ever seen one. He addressed the lady in green silks. “Who is this lad, Lady Lena?”
So he was a Lord. I started to curtsey, stopped myself, and bowed.
“It’s a girl, a woman,” the lady said again, casting a slight frown in his direction.
The big man dropped me. I fell on all fours in the mud and he used the opportunity of my position to whack me on the buttocks again. A deep, cutting fire took my breath away and left me nearly immobile in pain.
“Lord Erik,” the big man said, “it is most certainly a boy. Look at his hair.”
My hair was chopped like a boy’s hair. I’d realized, long ago, that a life on the streets was safer for a boy. As I struggled to stand, Lady Lena peered closer, studying my face and then dropping her eyes to my flat chest. Her brows knit together. “She’s just not well-fed.”
“Only one way to tell,” said the man with the cane. “Drop your trousers.”
“I will not, sir!” I gasped. “And what difference would it make if I’m boy or if I’m girl?”
“It speaks!” said the big man. Then he swatted his thick cane across my butt another time. I bit down on a cry as he boomed, “Drop ‘em or you’ll be at the mercy of this town’s laws!”
I flipped over and plopped my butt in the mud so he could not swat it yet again. I wrapped my arms around my knees and looked up at him stubbornly. The cold mud afforded me some relief, and I was reluctant to give it up.
The scraggly man raised his cane and threatened me again. “Stand up and drop ‘em or I’ll get the constable!”
At that threat, I jumped up. This town’s laws were clear on thievery: my hand would be chopped off for certain.
I turned towards the carriage for privacy, and dropped my trousers.
“Turn, let me see.”
He used the tip of his cane to tap on my butt so I would turn and show him my lack of manhood.
“It’s a girl, alright. You’re not allowed to wear men’s trousers. Step out of them.” When I did as he said, he picked the trousers from the mud with the tip of his cane. He watched the thick mud roll down the length of the soaked garment, then dropped it back in the mud with a growl of disgust. “Give the lady back her jewels,” he ordered me.
I glanced towards the carriage where I’d let a fistful of jewels pool on the seat. Then I tugged on my shirt, trying to cover my nakedness. I glanced across the street, grateful most people were in their houses eating midday meal.
“She’s already returned them,” said Lady Lena.
The big man raised his cane and I squealed and jumped away. I reached my hand up my sleeve and pulled out another fistful. I didn’t wait for him to raise his cane a second time. I slid a hand up my other sleeve and pulled out another necklace and two rings.
“What is the penalty for thieving here, urchin?”
Only last month, a boy who’d slept across the alley from me had been caught stealing a pie from the baker. It wasn’t the first time. The baker had dragged the boy to the town square, tied his arm on top of a chopping block, then called for the Elder. Before he’d finished licking the blueberry stains off his lips, they’d taken the ax and chopped off his hand. He’d nearly died from the fever afterward.
“Speak!”
I hurriedly spoke before he raised his cane again. “Cut off your hand,” I cried, “they cut off your hand, sir! Please no more with the cane!” A tear leaked from my eye and I wiped it away quickly so as not to appear weak.
Lady Lena gasped. “I’ve never heard of such a thing! That’s barbaric!”
Lord Erik turned from watching me to stare at his wife. “No, that’s your father, my lady, the one whose barbaric occupation of the South you will never forgive me for defeating.”
“He is my father!” she cried. She set her mouth. “And he saved you as a boy.”
“Saved me?” His tone was both mild and murderous at the same time. “Saved me, right. Only he saved me after he stole the South from my father. He saved me after he doomed the South to an oppressing occupation. He saved me after he murdered my uncles and cousins, after he ruined my aunts and slit my father's throat before my eyes. And he may as well have murdered my mother, too, for all the spirit she had left when he was through with her.”
The big man stuck his torso in the carriage, returning the jewels to their rightful place. Lady Lena was flushed and Lord Erik was likewise distracted. I tugged at my shirt, wondering if I should just run while the Lord and Lady were arguing, and while the big man was busy in the carriage. But I had no trousers. I could not run the streets without clothes or there were those that would use me as a prostitute. I had endeavored to look as a boy for so long, most believed it.
It was my greatest advantage.
I pulled off one of the shirts I had layered on, and wrapped it around my waist as a makeshift skirt.
Lady Lena pressed her lips together as Lord Erik continued, “If you support your father over me, then you must support your father’s old laws above me. You’ll turn this urchin over to the town to have her hand cut off.”
I froze and held my breath. I stared at Lady Lena, praying she would say the thing that would save me.
Lady Lena flicked a glance my way, her eyes full of pity. I didn’t want pity, but I certainly didn’t want to be turned over to the town authorities.
She finally spoke. “She was not thieving. I’d spilled the jewels and she was helping to pick them up.”
“Give me my trousers back,” I demanded. No one glanced my way or even acknowledged that I had spoken.
Lord Erik stared at his wife. “If you wish to show this girl mercy, you have no need to lie to me. I did not re-take these lands as Lord for nothing. I came to give my people a right and just ruler once more.” He eyed me up and down, and compassion crept into his eyes. “Give her a whipping for thieving, but wait until we get home. Until my people learn the gentler ways of my father have returned, I don’t want to risk this girl getting her hand chopped off after we leave.”
I was to go home with them? This coach could be my ticket out of this miserable village, and it would be nothing to escape from his household. Perhaps there would be a large town or city nearby to scavenge.
The town I’d grown up in was not kind to street urchins. Once, a woman had taken me in to care for me when I was sick, but then she got sick. After she died, they’d run me out of town.
This town had no opportunities or compassion for me, either, and it was time to move on.
“Give me my trousers, milord!” I demanded again.
He did not take kindly to my demand. Lord Erik spoke sharply. “They are ruined.”
Perhaps they were ruined for one such as him. But for me, ragged tears and caked mud mean nothing when they are my only clothes.
“She can wear one of my dresses,” offered the Lady.
A big, bustling lady ambled around the carriage and gasped. “No, milady!” She looked me up and down, horrified. “Look at her; dirt is encrusted on her. You’re not taking this thing back in the carriage, are you? At least let her ride on the back.”
I liked this plan; I could hop off when I pleased.
The big man with the cane interrupted. “She’ll only run away. She’ll ride up front with me.”
They gave me a short dress of silk; as fine a garment as I was surely ever to wear, but hardly any protection from the growing cold. After they threw my “filthy rags” into the fire of the tavern, I longed for the layers of raggedy shirts and muddy trousers that had kept me warm for so long.
### ###
The journey to Lord Erik’s estate was both long and cold. The rain had turned icy and the wheels of the carriage splattered through slush and ice. The big man beside me held the reins easily, his heavy coat protecting him from the elements.
Closer study revealed him to be much younger than I’d imagined. Although one side of his face was wrinkled and scarred, the other side of his face was smooth and young. One side of his mouth pulled down in a permanent frown, but the other side seemed set in determination.
The ragged beard did not suit him. It aged him even more than his grotesque scars. There was a jagged scar across his cheek where hair would not grow, and it created a scraggly appearance to his beard.
“Have you had your look?” he asked me, his voice cutting, his eyes accusing.
I shrugged and looked away.
My legs were bare, thanks to him relieving me of my trousers. I shivered violently, so cold my injured butt hardly ached on the wooden seat. I couldn’t remember it ever being this cold or snowy in all my life. I felt a lonely for the sheltered corner of the alley I normally retreated to in bad weather. I even felt a pang for the smelly, hissing alley cat that sometimes cuddled up to me for warmth.
Every few minutes, the big man glanced at me.
In the village where I’d lived, it only snowed about once every two years, and usually a light snow at that. But now the sky was gray and the air filled with biting snow. I couldn’t help myself; I huddled against the big man if only for the small protection he offered from the cold.
Hours passed, with nothing but the sound of the horses. We stopped at a tavern for the night, and they fed me.
Come morning, the snow had settled a quietness across the land, and I could barely hear my teeth chattering through the muffled silence. We were to travel two more days; Lord Erik’s estate was near the border to the North, which meant the snow would only increase.
At midmorning, the sun hid behind a black sky, and soon a blistering wind rocked the carriage. Hail and snow whipped at my cheeks and legs until I was silently crying from the cold.
The man suddenly placed the reins in my hand. I stared at them in shock, uncertain what to do. He twisted out of his coat and draped it over my shoulders. After he took back the reins, I didn’t waste any time in gathering the coat around my shoulders, hoping he wouldn’t change his mind.
When I was settled, I glanced over at him. I would have thanked him, perhaps, if the wind weren’t so noisy and the snow so heavy. His maimed hand—a pointy sort of stump—curled around a rein. His skin was mottled red and white, hard and scarred up to nearly his elbow.
His arms were thick with muscle; he seemed younger still with his coat off. His sour expression, however, lent an age to his countenance that further study of his form seemed to defy.
By afternoon, my feet were numb. I tried to tuck my feet up on the seat, but as the carriage jostled down the road I nearly pitched off the carriage. My legs were bright red from the cold; my feet burned and pricked.
Tears poured down my face and I didn’t bother to try and stop them. The big man could hardly notice in the snow; my face was already streaked with water and snow and wind chap.
Abruptly, he pulled on the reins and called the horses to a halt.
He climbed off the carriage, grabbed my arm, and tugged. I cried out, fearing he was going to throw me away and leave me for dead. I tumbled into his arms and grabbed his shirt, intending not to let go.
There is a line between dignity and survival. As the snow swirled around us, I knew without doubt I would not survive the night, alone in the cold. I balled my fists into his shirt, scowled, and prepared to fight, if that’s what it took to stay latched on to him.
“Curse you!” I yelled. “All the curses of the darkness on you!”
He glanced down at my fists balled into his shirt and raised the eyebrow that was still bushy and unscarred. “You think I will throw you away,” he said.
Our eyes held for a moment, then he carried me to the carriage door.
“Milord,” he said, “Milady, I regret that she will have to ride in the carriage with you. It's a blizzard out here.”
The large woman who hadn’t wanted me to soil one of Lady Lena's dresses spoke up. "This thing," she said disgustedly, "is certainly not fit for a lady's carriage.” She glared pointedly at Lord Erik, but he returned her gaze impassively.
Lady Lena quieted her. “It's alright, Maud. We can make room for her in the corner.”
“As you wish, milady” she said as sweet as her voice would allow.
The man put me on the seat next to Maud, and directly across from Lord Erik. Having been offered warmth and shelter, I cared not a bit that Maud did not welcome me. Nor did I care that I was sitting across from a Lord and a Lady.
When the carriage door closed, I huddled in the corner. Lady Lena leaned forward and spread a blanket over me. I gathered it to my chin and settled back, trying to get warm while eying the occupants of the carriage, wondering how they would react to my presence.
Lord Erik frowned at me for a moment, but it didn’t seem like he was looking at me. He turned to Lady Lena and spoke. “The urchin reminds me, Lena, that you lied to me, told me it had not stolen your jewels. You will not lie to me again." He stated this softly, without menace or even warning. His voice was kind and patient, even consoling. "I have been kind to you these past months, ever since I bought you from Dragon Master Alek, have I not? And I’ve protected you, have always protected you, even when we were but little children. I’ve promised that I will always protect you and that I will always be kind to you. But I will not have you lying to me, not to protect this urchin and not for any reason.”
The large woman had her head turned away, her eyes closed as if feigning sleep to spare the Lady from further embarrassment at being scolded. The Lady was staring straight ahead, her face set in stubborn resolve. She did not look at me, did not glare at me for causing her trouble.
Lord Erik took hold of her hand and squeezed it, a kind expression on his face. "Have you not learned yet that I will grant you almost all of your desires? Do I not give you nearly everything you ask for?"
She stared out the carriage window, her face turned away from him.
"And yet, when you want to show mercy on this urchin, your first instinct was to lie to me rather than to simply ask me to show it mercy." He was silent for a moment. "I have never punished you, Lena, but it is clear to me that this has been a mistake. After we return home, you’ll be spanked.”
Her expression didn’t change, but a single tear dripped down her face. "If you say you will grant my desires simply by the honest asking, then what if I ask that you never punish me?"
"I will not grant you what is not in your best interest."
The Lady made a phhft! sound.
"Unless you mean you'd rather have some one other than me spank you. Would you like me to have Asher punish you, instead?"
Because he gestured to the front of the carriage as he said the name Asher, I wondered if that was the big man's name. Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "Is that his name then? The man with the cane?"
Maud awoke from her feigned slumber to gasp at my interruption, and all eyes turned on me. They seemed so startled that no one spoke for what felt like minutes. My face grew hot; my whole body grew hot despite the chill that had settled in my bones. I didn't know what to do, so I leaned back and closed my eyes.
When I did, the air in the carriage seemed to relax and I thought I heard Maud blow out a breath.
I heard a delicate clearing of the throat. "Yes, that is his name," said Lady Lena kindly. And then her tone grew icy as she addressed her husband. "If you must have me beaten, then I would prefer you to do the evil deed."
"A spanking is hardly a beating, my Lady." Lord Erik sighed.
All talking ceased, and I fell asleep to the clippity-clopping of the horses and the uneven noise of the wheels on rough road. The rocky sway of the carriage in the bitter wind was almost like a baby’s cradle.
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